i am done, i am almost dying.

in the sea where the ships are crying

to eternity, to its glorious ends -

my absurdity in my bleeding hands.

raising statue as my vision stains.

slaves to martyrdom in gentle pains.

i will swim and drown slowly

to see the light in trembling glory.

my frozen skin will shrink and howl.

my face will glow. you stay, i go.

in the deep, cold sea dolphins weep,

where the wind doesn't blow.

eternal night, monsters asleep

in the midst of sorrow.

i am invisible, my shadow worthless.

my madness lucid, sanity hopeless.

the cries in distance will put me to sleep.

the blue dandelions, the yellow sheep.

down below, shining light.

frozen body still afloat.

eyes blue, cheeks grey.

lips move, demons play.

no peace. never. hang on feathers.

blow guns, shake cradles. i feel you.

and i don't.

this world. heaven. i smoke lemons.

my pride abused. my heart misused.

i need your hands to hurt and squeeze.

i love you so, i'm on my knees.

believe my words, i'm leaving now.

my light has dimmed. it's gone.

you read me sonnets. i hate.

you torture, no shame. i know you.

today is tomorrow. you see?

too late is never. i'm very clever.

how wonderful! it's sad.

do you stay in rain when the storm comes? are you dry?

is it joy or pain when the bird hums?

will it die? i hesitate, delegate war.

i'm in the bathtub. i rule the world.

could the pieces of soil come together? do you think?

i will wonder forever. i am sick.

it's lunacy, this fake diplomacy.

keeping scores by using force.

complete detachment of a loving heart -

bizarre arrangements is the usual start

of unwavering struggle between good and evil.

searching for peace that ends in upheaval.

secret animosity of a smiling crowd,

gaining power over the weak and the proud.

they care less for your heart - it's getting worse by day.

speak to the lord. love and pray.

the flames of hypocrisy shining the light of darkness

upon the world we dare to lose. tempting obedience

in a deadly dose. bring it all back - it is gain or lack.

freedom or imprisonment of mind.

resist or hide.

i remember the sea and the stars above,

but all i could see was this endless love.

i would never be this happy again,

and i was never happy before then.

it was a chapter in the book i’ve burnt. 

i kept the ashes, i kept the hope.

i just wish the sea wasn’t dark. 

it’s my reflection.

what a beautiful life in a beautiful light!

rain is falling on you. birds are singing for you. 

yet there isn’t a way - only blue, only grey.

are these glasses tinted? are your wishes granted? 

is this a horror? is there a tomorrow?

do you want to know?

yes or no?

somewhere in my head, there is a river.

i must be detached from land. terrible fever.

what a perfect fit to my lonesome pain.

i'm jumping over the fence to catch a plane.

my sleeves are long, my heart is warm.

but things are different, almost irrelevant.

heaven is further than i thought.

i hope it's a lie, the truth i hide

inside my criminal mind...

beautiful people - where do you go?

do you live on this land, where the winds don't blow?

i want to move away and never come back.

show me the way, and i'll start to pack.

things will change - the clouds will fade.

i'll be on my way - no price to be paid. no hate.

i want to meet you there - no need to smile.

no happiness to spare - unconscious lie.

let's build the railway and get on a train.

make more mistakes, nurture this pain.

not ready to be alive

in waters so deep and cold.

i’m sinking in a sensuous high

to drown and meet my lord.

i love him and he loves me,

a sinner that knows no shame.

i’m floating in the deepest sea,

my pain is a lonely game.

don’t let me drown, i have your heart!

my evil frown will do the part.

and as i'm going deep to the bottom of nowhere,

i hope you're asleep. sweet dreams, my sorrow...

i was an angel, looking out the clouds.

the calm in danger casting off my doubts.

i stood when lightning crushed my gentle soul.

i wasn’t fighting. i didn’t welcome war.

the sudden morning. the wind in holy light.

my heart was burning, and i was cursed to fight.

the way was dark, the feeling cold.

the dogs will bark, decency sold.

i do regret and fall to tears.

i will repent till i fall on my knees!

i know the dark, and dread the day

i sold my heart to evil grey.

i have no words, i want to end

this heartless night to hold your hand.

i fell into a pit, and shut the light.

i might be unfit. i cannot hide.

i have learned everything, but now i’m going back to the dark place.

it is out of control, it is essential.

my body is bruised. i know nothing less, nothing more.

they have cursed me. it is tragic,

it is sane. maybe fascist and in vain.

i don’t blame life, it is a farce.

no one knows this, no one’s cause.

flowers blooming, flowers withered.

my soul is brooding, my heart is bitter.

i see the sun shining bright.

i wonder how, i wonder why.

it must be a joke. we’re fools and deceived.

if only the joy was more than a dream.

the wind will steal the warmth of day.

who knows the truth? i couldn’t say.

abandon this road and never look back.

this empty abode in the deserted land.

death, and only death could make me happy

and give me peace.

no joy, no laughter for me to find here

in this bliss.

no end, no distance to see the light.

i’m begging, i’m praying to end this fight!

who flies beyond the dark and hears 

me weep,

i want to be a guard in 

your sleep.

please keep me near you now and forever,

please save my soul so we could die together!

i only wish for a lonely hand to hold mine.

give mercy in this silence and curse time!

no misery, no faint grief.

i’m happy, i can’t breathe.

you are cruel and vulgar,

my conscience suave and cold.

i’m feeling dark and somber,

be damned my soul.

and the flowers bloom,

and the sun keeps on shining.

this magical doom!

i will keep on crying.

the clouds grey, 

the ocean wide.

i only pray

the birds will fly.

rain, come down on me!

be my remedy,

be my only one,

i’m yours.

come, restrain my pain!

be my lullaby,

my melody, stay close.

i have never known

joy so painfully obscure.

you have brought me back

to my blessed life,

i want you to make me feel

alive again. i will give my heart,

i will give my soul!

only stay awhile, 

i pray.

i’m running out of words 

to calm myself down.

i’d rather be under a thousand swords

than be a clown.

the wet stains on my dry skin

keep bruising my heart.

i can’t breathe or commit to a sin,

i can’t play my part.

it’s the grey clouds that torture my sight

and make me weak.

but my screams don’t lie in this senseless fight -

i am in defeat.

you can step over my breathing body

and feel regret.

but i won’t allow it, and you won’t step over,

it’s not over yet.

stepdad stepmom, father mother, fire water, love and hate.

stones and winds, crosses and tables.

snowing rain, screaming silence.

story unveils, horror portrays.

nothing is changing, story is ending.

look outside! beautiful clouds,

steep mountains, soft trees, glittering fountains.

i want to be there, i want to feel.

and the burning light, and the crawling night

i need. it is never too late to begin, never too late to regret.

it is my tears i shed, you should never forget...

there was hell behind the window,

and a strip that held the noise.

i was close to a passing rainbow,

no one could hear my trembling voice.

it was 1805, and fire was burning.

the trees were grey, and my mind was hollow.

the lonely creatures were slowly walking,

they knew my name, they knew my sorrow.

i ran towards a burning house.

the scream had dimmed my seldom hope.

the flames of gold had ripped my blouse.

i was standing naked in a dark abyss.

they called my name, and i whispered faintly

my only wish to be taken away.

they took my hand, i surrendered gently.

they smiled in horror. i wanted to stay.

such a sad place in such a brilliant light.

saving dark grace in a hopeless fight.

mirrors broke away, the veins of sorrow.

i believe in the lord. i will live tomorrow.

they all laugh, they think they know me.

my moonlight, my thoughts scorn me.

the stairs lead nowhere. i am not a fool.

the dark basement, the air is cool.

the steps are quiet, the wind blows.

they are all dying, god knows.

you tell me lies i must believe.

i beg your pardon for my selfish grief.

it is not a war, it is not an evil.

it is my fate, but i am not a devil.

hell within, hell without.

great surrender what love is about.

dark streets in the glimmering light,

my soul is a stain ...what a beautiful night!

it seems unlikely i’d ever come back.

the wind is solemn, it pulls me down. 

the ground is deep, i don’t want to beg.

unfortunate death, savage frown.

i am turning blue, but can’t feel pain.

the warmth, the bliss.

in a gentle river falling rain,

your tragic kiss.

believe me, i’m gone!

let go of the wind,

the grey clouds,

hopeless sin.

again i’m sad.

that sadness scares me

the way it never did before.

and no one hears the shaking

of my hopeless heart.

it is the silence that i must face

within. the absent love

that’d save me and take me home.

it is the guilt, the cruel companion

that beheaded me. the splendid

torture of my savage mind.

forgive me my weakness,

my wish to find peace,

and smile with no regret

and no commitment,

for no pretense.

my wasted pride in a selfish battle

i will revenge till my dying day.

storming out of the room, all eyes on me. 

sudden whisper, don’t follow me! 

the drops of anger on my warm face, 

and i’m screaming, i’m screaming! 

don’t follow me, don’t follow me... 

in a cold silence, i am standing, alone. 

someone give me a hand, 

or betray me again like a man does.  

i will stand, but no more strength to hold me. 

i’m a mad woman, i am weak... 

stay away from me!

the station is empty, the clouds cool,

the silence is plenty, the grey...

it whispers the words no one wants to hear,

and the wind is weak.

the light has dimmed, and the rain

it falls on the rocks. the red stain

and the fox, lifeless. the hours long

amidst the storm. the air is brisk,

the heart still warm... yet no one’s near

to see, to hear. unknown tragedy

in the absence of love. unheard melody,

god up above.

soft pain, it hurts so badly.

just say what makes you happy.

i wish i had something to give…

my world is slowly crashing.

no words, just mirrors smashing.

i know you wouldn’t save me,

but don’t go, you can have me!

i will give myself with pleasure.

don’t leave, don’t hurt.

i bleed, i’m a dying bird.

my heart is weak. 

i’m lonely and sick.

i don’t have a chance.

i have blood on my hands.

pick me up or let go.

you are strong, but i am low.

i can’t walk, i can’t run.

like a street dog, there is no sun.

help me.

i was raised by demons, and yet i haven’t strangled your son.

it was my mind i was guarding from being cursed,

and now it’s gone. my thoughts are flames, i keep burning for you!

i will trip down the stairs, you won’t hear the fall...

how glad i am i kept on walking these steps.

but to tell you the truth, i wish i’d changed the address.

you know, i’m happy at last, it gives me joy to please.

things change so fast! i am now deceased.

you look different these days, and can’t feel my touch.

i know you wanted it this way, you didn’t like me much...

it is a shame things end, but i want you to know

these people are mad and low.

i hope for extinction and the senseless end.

no false jurisdiction. no dogs, no cats.

no fierce revolution, no fire bombs.

no mental institutions, no wicked storms.

i want life for all, and death by choice.

complete seclusion and savage noise.

beloved children and misguided pain.

no strange delusions in a heated rain.

this place is sorrow. it heals no heart.

no joy to borrow. unfortunate start.

you look for god. you find oppression.

it should be hard. a cruel confession.

you will stare into heavens, expect mercy.

no fair dignity. i dream falsely.

looking down, looking up.

severe destruction. adore birds,

smell perfume. die in cold.

stay in peace. it is all the same.

and when it's not, it still is.

you are going to be run over, hit, hurt.

you will see destruction. blow, dirt.

nothing ever changes. nothing goes away.

spaces, spaces, spaces.

i am sorry. please, do not worry. everything is going to be alright.

so they say. so they think.

let them play. let them pray.

i am putting up fire in my lonely home.

hanging on a golden wire. thinking thoughts.

the wet. the dry. hello. goodbye.